The Tales of the Heroes of Olympus: The Quest for Buford
by Yugioash
Summary: The last thing I want was for my friends and me to fight Maenads without destroying them when we need to find a magical walking table called Buford that holds the Syncopator to an engine to the Argo II that would destroy two months of work on the ship without it along with Bunker 9 and most of the woods around camp in an hour. All because I tried to clean Buford with Windex.


**Warning:** Certain ancient Greek names matches words use of foul language but no foul language was intentionally used. Also if you haven't read them yet read 'The Tales of the Son of Poseidon & the Early Adventures' 'The Tales of the Son of Poseidon & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief' 'The Tales of the Son of Poseidon & the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters' 'The Tales of the Son of Poseidon & the Olympians: The Titan's Curse' and 'The Tales of the Son of Poseidon & the Olympians: The Magical Labyrinth' as well as the one shots 'The Tales of the Son of Poseidon & the Stolen Chariot' The Tales of the Son of Poseidon & the Sword of Hades', 'The Tales of the Son of Poseidon & the Bronze Dragon' 'The Tales of the Son of Poseidon & the Olympians: The Last Olympian' 'The Tales of the Son of Poseidon & the Staff of Hermes' and 'The Tales of the Heroes of Olympus: The Lost Hero' before reading this story as stuff that happened in them will be mentioned. Lastly, any one who wants to do a Demigods and Olympian reads story using 'The Tales of the Son of Poseidon' is allowed _as long as_ you inform me about it.

 **A/N:** I'm going to MAKE THIS CLEAR. Just like I mention on my bio page about every other fanfiction I done: I DON'T OWN THE PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIAN SERIES OR IT'S CHARACTERS as the rights goes to Rick Rioran. Also I suggest you guys start paying attention to the Author notes and my warnings that I left on EVERY chapter of EVERY story. Because I KNOW I warn all of you about the first chapter before it started.

Sorry if this chapter is too much like the book

The NExt story coming up is-

 **The Tales of the Heroes of Olympus: The Son of Neptune**

Summary: After waking up with almost no memory in the Wolf house except for the name of his girlfriend, Percy is trained by the Roman Wolf Goddess Lupa before being send to the Roman Camp: Camp Jupiter, just in time to help an unexpected couple of friends save it from Gaea and two of her Giant Sons: The Banes of Neptune & Pluto themselves, and free Thantos.

* * *

 **The Tales of the Heroes of Olympus: The Quest for Buford**

…Leo's POV…

I blamed the Windex. I should've known better. Now my entire project—two months of work—might literally blow up in my face.

I stormed around Bunker 9, cursing myself for being so stupid, while my friends tried to calm me down.

"It's okay," Jason said. "We're here to help."

"Just tell us what happened," Piper urged.

At least they dropped whatever they were doing to answer my distress call. I couldn't turn to anyone else. The only other person I could have turned too was my brother Beckendorf and he left camp to go back to NYU, leaving me in charge of Cabin Nine (which wasn't much of a backfire on the building my project since it still left me a dozen siblings).

Jason looked cool and confident as usual—all surfer-dude handsome with his blonde hair and sky-blue eyes. The scar on his mouth and the sword at his side gave him a rugged appearance, like he could handle anything.

Piper stood next to him in her jeans and orange camp T-shirt.

Her long brown hair was braided down on one side. Her dagger Katoptris gleamed at her belt. Despite the situation, her multicolored eyes sparkled like she was trying to suppress a smile. Now that Jason and she were officially together for _real_ , Piper looked like that a lot.

It's not that I don't blame her. See when we met Jason—Hera, who decided to drop him in our lives, created fake memories of Jason in our heads. For me, it was being Jason's best friend and for Piper it was him being her boyfriend.

Long story short, Piper wasn't too happy at first to find out that the memories were fake, but it was still clear that she liked him very much and he felt the same, so when they did get together, it was like a dream come true—just almost _literally_.

And what do I get out of it? A cabin full of sibling, a project that needs to be done by Summer Solstice, and situation I need their help to fix.

I took a deep breath. "Okay, guys. This is _serious_. Bufford's gone. If we don't get him back, this whole place is going to explode."

Piper's eyes lost some of that smiley sparkle. "Explode? Um… okay. Just calm down and tell us who Buford is."

She probably didn't do it on purpose, but Piper had this child-of-Aphrodite power called _charmspeak_ that made her voice hard to ignore and make you do what she says. I felt my muscles relaxing and my mind clearing.

"Fine," I said. "Come here."

I led them across the hangar floor, carefully skirting some of my more dangerous projects. In my two months at Camp Half-Blood, I spent most of my time at Bunker 9. It became a second home to me. I could stay in here forever if Piper Jason and at time Beckendorf haven't come and get me so I can get something to eat. But I knew my friends still felt uncomfortable here.

I don't blame them. The bunker was built into the side of a limestone cliff deep into the woods, and was part weapons depot, part machine shop, and part underground safe house, with a little bit of Area 51—style craziness thrown in for good measures. Rows of workbenches stretched into the darkness. Tool cabinets, storage closets, cages full of welding equipment, and stacks of construction material made a labyrinth of aisles so vast, I figured I'd only explored ten percent of it so far. Overhead ran a series of catwalks and pneumatic tubes for delivering supplies, plus a high-tech lighting and sound system that I was just starting to figure out.

A large magical banner hung over the center of the production floor. I last December I discovered how to change the display, like the Times Square JumboTron, but I haven't change it since Christmas, so despite it being Febuary, it reads: _Merry Christmas! All your presents belong to Leo_!

I been thinking of changing it, but the next upcoming holiday was Valentines Day coming up and with me being dateless, I decided to wait until after it.

Anyways, I ushered my friends to the central staging area. Decades ago, my metallic friend Festus the Bronze Dragon was created here. Now, I was slowly assembling my pride and joy—the _Argo II_.

At the moment, it didn't look like much. The keel was laid—a length of Celestial bronze curved like an archer's bow, two hundred feet from bow to stern. The lowest hull planks had been set in place, forming a shallow bowl held together by scaffolding. Mast lay to one side, ready for positioning. The bronze dragon figurehead—formerly the head of Festus—sat nearby, carefully wrapped in velvet, waiting to be installed in its place of honor where I'll add a brand new control disc that will turn the dragon's head on, bringing him back to life—just not as a dragon.

Most of my time had been spent in the middle of the ship, at the base of the hull, where I was building the engine that would run the warship.

I climbed the scaffolding and jumped into the hull. Jason and Piper followed me.

Fixed to the keel, the engine apparatus looked like a high-tech jungle gym made from pipes, pistons, bronze gears, magical disks, steam vents, electric wires, and a million other magical and mechanical pieces. I slid inside and pointed out the combustion chamber.

It was a thing of beauty, a bronze sphere the size of a basketball, its surface bristling with glass cylinders so it looked like a mechanical sunburst. Gold wires ran from the ends of the cylinders, connecting to various parts of the engine. Each cylinder was filled with a different magical and highly dangerous substance. The central sphere had a digital clock display the read _66:21_. The maintenance panel was open. Inside, the core was empty.

"See, here's the problem," I announced.

Jason scratch his head. "Uh… what are we looking at?"

Piper was as confused as Jason.

I sighed as I had to remind myself that they weren't children of Hephaestus and probably didn't see the problem. "Okay, you want the full explanation or the short explanation?"

"Short," Piper and Jason said in unison.

I gestured at the empty core. "The syncopator goes here. It's a multi-access gyro-valve to regulate the flow. The dozen glass tubes on the outside? Those are filled with powerful, dangerous stuff. That glowing red one is Lemnos fire from my dad's forges. This murky stuff here? That's the water from the Styx. The stuff in the tubes is going to power the ship, right? Like radioactive rods in a nuclear reactor. But the mix ratio has to be controlled, and the timer is already operational."

I tapped the digital clock, which now read _65:15_. "That means without the syncopator, this stuff is all going to vent into the chamber at the same time, in sixty-five minutes. At that point, we'll get a very nasty reaction."

Jason and Piper stared at me in even more confusion. I wondered if I'd been speaking Spanish. Sometimes when I was agitated I slipped into Spanish, like my mom used to do in her workshop. But I was pretty sure I'd used English.

"Um…" Piper cleared her throat. "Could you make the short explanation shorter?"

I smacked my forehead and realized the problem wasn't that I wasn't speaking English, I was speaking mechanic-geek language. Beckendorf explained to me that if we go too technical with what we're saying to the point most don't understand us.

"Fine. One hour. Fluids mix. Bunkers goes ka-boom. One square mile of forest turns into a smoking crater."

"Oh," Piper said in a small voice. "Can't you turn it off."

"Gee, I didn't think of that," I said sarcastically. "Let me just hit this switch and— _No_ , Piper. I can't turn it off. This is a trickery machinery. Everything has to be assembled in a certain order in a certain amount of time. Once the combustion chamber is rigged, like this, you can't just leave all those tubes sitting there. The engine has to be put into motion. The countdown clock started automatically, and I've got to install the syncopator before the fuel goes critical. Which would be fine except… well, I lost the syncopator."

Jason folded his arms. "You _lost_ it. Don't you have an extra? Can't you pull one out of your toolbelt?"

I shook my head. My magical tool belt could produce a lot of great stuff. Any kind of common tool—hammers, screwdrivers, bolt cutters, whatever—I could pull out of pockets just by thinking about it. But the belt couldn't fabricate complicated devices or magical items.

"The syncopator took me a week to make," I said. "And yes, I made a spare. I always do. But that's lost too. They were both in Buford's drawers. And before you ask, Piper, Buford is a magical walking table. About three feet high, mahogany top, bronze base, three movable legs. I save him from one of the supply closets and got him in working order. He's just like the tables my dad has in his workshop. Awesome helper; carries all my important machine parts."

"So what happened to him?" Piper asked.

I felt a lump of guild in my throat. "I—I got careless. I polished him with Windex, and… he ran away."

Jason looked like he was still trying to figure out an equation. "Let me get this straight. Your table ran away… because you polished him with Windex."

"What can I say, he likes Lemon Pledge with extra moisturizing formula and hates Windex," I said. "I was distracted at the time. I thought maybe just once he wouldn't notice. Then I turned around for a while to install the combustion tubes, and when I looked for Buford…"

I pointed to the giant open doors of the bunker. "He was gone. Little trail of oil and bolts leading outside. He could be anywhere by now, and he's got both syncopators!"

Piper glanced at the digital clock. "So… we have exactly one hour to find your runaway table, and get back your synco-whatsit, and install it in this engine, or the _Argo II_ explodes, destroying Bunker Nine and most of the woods."

"Basically," I said.

Jason frowned. "We should alert the other campers. We might have to evacuate them."

"No!" My voice broke. "Look, the explosion won't destroy the whole camp. Just the woods. I'm pretty sure."

"Well, that's a relief," Piper muttered.

"Besides," I said, "we don't have time, and I—I _can't_ tell the others. If they find out how badly I've messed up…"

Piper and Jason looked at each other. The clock display change to _59:00_.

"Fine," Jason said. "But we'd better hurry."

…

As we trudged through the woods, the sun started to set. The camp's weather was magically controlled, so it wasn't freezing and snowing like it was in the rest of Long Island, but I still could tell it was winter here.

I was tempted to summon fire in my hands. I'd gotten better at that since coming to camp, but I knew nature spirits don't like that and the last thing I wanted was to be yelled by Dryads. One time they kept pelting me with acorns until I extinguish my flames. I didn't even know acorns could hurt so much until I had a hundred of them coming at me at all directions. I hate to think what they would do if they find out their trees could be destroyed in an hour all because I gave Buford Windex.

Great, another reason to feel like an idiot for using Windex on a magical walking table. As if it wasn't bad enough that it might set me back on getting the _Argo II_ done by June.

Jason knelt at the banks of a stream. He pointed to some marks in the mud. "Do those look like table tracks?"

"I don't know," I said." What do you think Piper?"

Piper sighed. "Just because I'm Native American doesn't mean I can track furniture through the wilderness. How am I suppose to know."

"Okay, jeez. Sorry for asking," I said.

Piper was half Cherokee, half Greek goddess of love. Some days it was hard to tell which side of her family she was more sensitive about."

"It's probably a table," Jason said. "Which means Buford went across this stream."

Suddenly the water gurgled. A girl in a shimmering blue dress rose to the surface. She had stringy green hair, blue lips, and pale skin, so she looked like a drowning victim. Her eyes were wide with alarm.

"Could you be any louder?" she hissed. "They'll hear you!"

I blinked. I'll never get use to this—nature spirits just popping up out of trees and streams and whatnot.

"Are you a naiad?"

"Shh! They'll kill us all! They're right over _there_!" She pointed behind her, into the trees on the other side of the stream. Unfortunately, that was the direction Buford seemed to have walked.

"Okay," Piper said gently, kneeling next to the water. "We appreciate the warning. What's your name?"

The naiad looked like she wanted to bolt, but Piper's charmspeak seem to have an affect on her.

"Brooke," the blue girl said reluctantly.

"Brooke the brook?" Jason asked.

Piper swatted his leg. "Okay, Brooke. I'm Piper. We won't let anyone harm you. Just tell us who you're afraid of."

The naiad's face became more agitated. The water boiled around her. "My crazy cousins. You can't stop them. They'll tear you apart. None of us is safe! Now go away. I have to hide!"

Brooke melted into the water.

Piper stood. "Crazy cousins?" She frowned at Jason. "Any idea what she was talking about?"

Jason shook his head. "Maybe we should keep our voices down."

I stared at the stream. I was trying to figure what was so horrible that it could tear apart a river spirit. How do you tear up water? Whatever it was, I agreed with Jason about keeping our voices down, because I _didn't_ want to meet it.

I could see Buford's tracks on the opposite bank—little square prints in the mud, leading in the direction the naiad had warned us about.

"It can't be that bad," I said, "I mean, compare to what we already fought, right?"

Jason and Piper looked uncertain, but I had an excellent point. Two months ago we fought a pack of werewolves, six-arm ogres, storm spirits, an insane king with a golden touch, the sorceress princess, three Cyclopes, a snow goddess, and—oh yeah, two giants that were born to destroy Olympus and survived. So yeah, whatever that naiad was scared of, it can't be worse than that, right?

"Even so, we can't let our guard down," Jason said as he drew his sword—a wicked Roman-style _gladius_ with an Imperial gold blade.

Piper unsheathed her dagger. She stared into the blade as if hoping Katoptris would show her a helpful vision. Sometimes the dagger did that. But if she anything important, she didn't say. But what she did say concern me.

"Crazy cousins," she muttered. "Here we come."

…

There was no more talking as we followed the table tracks deeper into the woods. The birds were silent. No monsters growl. It was as if all the other living creatures in the woods were smart enough to leave.

Finally, we came to a clearing the size of a mall parking lot. The sky overhead was heavy and gray. The grass was dry yellow as if it died here years ago, and the ground was scarred with pits and trenches as if someone had done some crazy driving with construction equipment. There were a mound of rocks—in the center of the field that looked nothing special from where I stood other than being thirty feet tall and looking as if a group of campers used it as a target range for javelins, spears, and arrows.

"Oh," Piper said. "This isn't good."

"Why?" I asked.

"It's bad luck to be here," Jason said. "This is the battle site."

I scowled. "What battle?"

Piper raised her eyebrows. "How can you not know about it? The other campers talk about this place all the time. Surely Beckendorf told you."

"If he did, I might have been a little busy to listen," I stated.

I didn't mean to sound bitter, but I'd missed on a lot of regular camp stuff—the trireme fights, the chariot races, flirting with girls. That was the worst part. I finally had an "in" with the hottest girls at camp, since Piper was second-in-command of Aphrodite Cabin and her sister that was senior counselor for Aphrodite Cabin Silena Beauregard was dating Beckendorf. Heck, Silena even offered me once to hook me up with a girl. But nooooo—I turned it down to build a ship.

"The Battle of the Labyrinth," Piper kept her voice down, but she explained to me how the piles of rock used to be called Zeus' fist, back when it looked like something, not just a pile of rocks. There'd been an entrance to a magical labyrinth here, and a big army of monsters had come through it to invade camp. The campers won—obviously, since the camp was still here—but it had been a hard battle. Several demigods had died. The clearing was still considered cursed.

Now that I think about it, I think I did remember Beckendorf bringing it up a few times. But like I said before, I didn't pay much attention to it.

"Great," I grumbled. "Buford has to run to the most dangerous part of the woods. He couldn't just, like, run to the beach or a burger shop."

"Speaking of which…" Jason studied the ground. "How are we going to track him? There's no trail here."

Though I would've preferred to stay in the cover of the trees, I followed my friends into the clearing. They searched for table tracks, but as we made our way to the pile of boulders and weapons we found nothing. I pulled a watch from my tool belt and strapped it to my wrist. Roughly forty minutes until the big _ka-boom_.

"If I had more time," I said. "I could make a tracking device, but—"

"Does Buford have a round tabletop?" Piper interrupted. "With little steam vents sticking up on one side?"

I stared at her. "How did you know?"

"Because he's right over there." She pointed.

Sure enough, Buford was waddling toward the far end of the clearing, steam puffing from his vents. As we watched, he disappeared into the trees.

"That was easy." Jason started to follow, but I held him back.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I wasn't sure why. Then I realized I could hear voices from the woods on our left. "Someone's coming!"

I pulled my friends behind the boulders.

Jason whispered. "Leo—"

"Shh!"

A dozen barefoot girls skipped into the clearing. They were teenagers with tunic-style dresses of loose purple and red silk. Their hair was tangled with leaves and braided with tiny vipers that made it look like they were wearing laurel wreaths. Some were carrying staffs that at first look like torches, but after a second I realize were really twisted wood branches topped with a giant pineco, and some were wrapped with snakes.

The girls smiled and laughed and sang in Ancient Greek as they stumbled around the glade. They appeared to be having a great time, but their voices were tinged with a sort of wild ferocity. If leopards could sing, I thought they would sound like this.

"I bet those are Brooke's crazy cousin," I muttered as I kneeled down trying to stay hidden with my friends following my example.

"How can you be sure?" Piper asked.

"They seemed more like drunk nymphs," Jason said.

He was right. The girls _did_ at like they were drunk, but I thought there was something else going on. I was glad the nymphs hadn't seen us yet, because I didn't want to find out if I'm right or not.

That's when things got complicated. In the woods to their right, something roared. The trees rustled and a Drakon burst into the clearing, looking sleepy and irritated, as if the nymphs' singing had woken it up.

I had seen plenty of monsters in the woods. The camp intentionally stocked with them as a challenge to campers. But this was bigger and scarier than most.

The Drakon was about the size of a subway car. It had no wings, but its mouth bristled with dagger like teeth. Flames curled from its nostrils so it was a fire breathing Drakon. Silvery scales covered its body like polished chain mail. When the Drakon saw the nymphs, it roared again and shot flames into the sky.

The girls didn't seem to notice. They kept doing cartwheels and laughing and playfully pushing each other around.

Something bothered me about these girls though—a story I only half remembered. As Temporary Head-Counsellor of Hephaestus and lead charge of the building of the _Argo II_ , I made my business to read up on magic items, just in case I needed to build them someday. I was sure I'd read something about pinecone staffs wrapped with snakes.

Finally, one of the girls squealed in delight, as if she'd spotted a cute puppy. She skipped toward the monster and the other girls followed, singing and laughing, which seemed to confuse the Drakon. It probably wasn't used to its prey being so cheerful.

A nymph in a blood-red dress did a cartwheel and landed in front of the Drakon. "Are you Dionyus?" she asked hopefully.

I doubt it. I never met Dionysus, but I don't think he would be a fire-breathing Drakon.

"We've got to help them," Piper whispered. "They'll be killed!"

"Hold on a second," I said.

"But Leo—" Jason said.

"Just watch!"

The monster at that point blasted fire at the girl's feet. She simply danced out of the kill zone. The Drakon lunged and caught her arm in it's jaw. I wince as I was sure the arm would be amputated, but she yanked it free, along with several broken Drakon teeth. Her arm was perfectly fine. The Drakon made a sound somewhere between a growl and a whimper.

"Naughty," the girl scolded. She turned to her cheerful friends. "Not Dionysus! He must join our party!"

A dozen nymphs squealed in delight and surrounded the monster.

Piper caught her breath. "What are they—oh, gods. No!"

After our quest to free Hera, I didn't think I would ever feel sorry for monsters, but what happened next was truly horrifying to the point that I felt sorry for the Drakon. The girls threw themselves at the Drakon. Their cheerful laughter turned into vicious snarling. They attacked with their pinecone staffs, with fingernails that turned into long white talons, with teeth that elongated into wolfish fangs.

The monster blew fire and stumbled, trying to get away, but the teenage girls were too much for him. The nymphs ripped and tore until the Drakon slowly crumbled into powder, its spirit returning to Tartarus. There was hardly any remains left to be considered trophies of War that I hear about (remains of monsters that stay even after the rest of it turned into powder).

Okay, I seen a lot of dangerous stuff, but those nymphs almost top it all.

Jason made a gulping sound. I had seen my friend in all sorts of dangerous situation, but I'd never seen Jason look quite so pale.

Piper was shielding her eyes muttering, "Oh, gods. Oh, gods."

I tried to keep my own voice from trembling. "I read about these nymphs. They're followers of Dionysus. I forget what they're called—"

"Maenads." Piper shivered. "I've heard of them. I thought they only existed in ancient time. They attended Dionysus' parties. When they got too excited…"

She pointed toward the clearing. She didn't need to say more. Brooke the naiad had warned us. Her crazy cousins ripped their victims to pieces.

"We have to get out of here," Jason said.

"But they're between us and Buford!" I whispered. "And we've only got—" I checked my watch. "Thirty minutes to get the syncopator installed."

"Maybe I can fly us over Buford," Jason shut his eyes tight.

I knew Jason had controlled the winds before—just one of the advantages of the über-cool son of Zeus—but this times, nothing happened.

Jason shook his head. "I don't know… the air feels agitated. Maybe those nymphs are messing things up. Even the wind spirits are too nervous to get close."

I glanced back the way we'd came. "We'll have to retreat to the woods. If we can skirt around the Maenads—"

"Guys," Piper squeaked in alarm.

I looked up and that's when I didn't noticed that the Maenads were approaching, climbing rocks with absolute silence, which is creepier than their laughter. They peered down from the tops of the boulders, smiling prettily, their fingernails and teeth back to normal. Vipers coiled through their hair.

"Hello!" The girl in the blood-red dress beamed at me. "Are you Dionysus?"

…

Maybe I should have told them we were children of Dionysus. Who knows, maybe the Maenads would go easy if they believed that. I mean I heard that most creatures and sometimes a few nature spirits that are loyal to a certain Olympian tend to treat their demigod kids like they were their lords and mistresses as well. But after what happened with the Drakon, I took a different approach.

"Yes!" I yelped. "Absolutely. I am Dionysus."

I got to my feet and tried to match the girl's smile.

The nymph clapped her hands in delight. "Wonderful! My lord Dionysus? Really?"

Jason and Piper rose with their weapons ready, but I hoped it didn't come down to a fight. I'd seen how fast these nymphs moved. If they decided to go into food-processor mode, I doubted my friends and I would stand a chance.

The Maenads giggled and danced and pushed each other around. Several fell off the rocks and landed hard on the ground. That didn't seem to bother them. They just got up and kept frolicking.

Piper nudged me in the ribs. "Um, Lord Dionysus, what are you doing?"

"Everything's cool," I looked at my friends like, _Everything's really, really not cool_. "The Maenads are my attendants. I love these guys."

The Maenads cheered and twirled around me. Several produced goblets from thin air and began to chug… whatever was inside.

The girl in the red looked uncertainly at Piper and Jason. "Lord Dionysus, are these two sacrifices for the party? Should we rip these to pieces?"

"No, no!" I said. "Great offer, but, um, you know, maybe we should start small. With, like, introductions."

The girl narrowed her eyes. "Surely you remember me, my lord. I am Babette."

"Um, right!" I said. "Babette! Of course."

"And these are Buffy, Muffy, Bambi, Candy—" Babette rattled off a bunch more names that started to blend in together in my head. I glanced at Piper, wondering if this was some sort of Aphrodite joke. These nymphs could've totally fit in with Aphrodite's Cabin. But right now Piper looked like she was trying not to scream at the two Maenads that were running their hands over Jason's shoulders and giggling.

Judging from Jason's expression, he wasn't liking this either. But I would guess he was fighting the urge to electrocute them with electricity—another über cool power of son of the sky god—since they weren't sent flying back yet. Most likely because if he did the other Maenads would attack.

Babette stepped closer to me. She smelled like pine needles. Her curly dark hair spilled over her shoulders and freckles splashed across her nose. A wreath of coral snakes writhed across her forehead.

Nature spirits usually had a greenish tinge to their skin from chlorophyll, or resembles drowning person, or something that evident what their spirits of, but these Maenads looked like their blood was cherry Kool-Aid. They eyes were severely bloodshot. Their lips were redder than normal. Their skin was webbed with bright capillaries.

"An interesting form you've chosen, my lord." Babette inspected my face and hair. "Youthful. Cute, I suppose. Yet… somewhat scrawny and short."

I bit back some bitter replies to that. I never took to kindly to being called scrawny and short. Even when I'm no longer the shortest kid of my age group with having a kid of Apollo who is head counsellor and yet shorter than I am, I had to deal with some of the kids in this camp calling me the scrawniest member of Cabin Nine.

"Well, you know. I was going for _cute_ , mostly."

The other Maenads circled me, smiling and humming. Under normal circumstances, being surrounded by hot girls would've been _totally_ okay with me, but not this time. I couldn't forget how the Maenads teeth and nails had grown just before they tore the drakon to shreds.

"So, my lord." Babbet ran her fingers down my arm. "Where have you been? We been searching for you since Christmas."

How was I suppose to know where Dionysus is these days. I don't even know if Olympus is still closed up. But I better come up with a good answer.

"Oh, you know. I've been doing, um, my duties as the god of wine. You know, being busy and everything with work."

"Work!" Muffy and Maenad shrieked, pressing her hands over her ears.

"Work!" Buffy wiled her tongue as if trying to scrub away the horrible word.

The other Maenads dropped their goblets and ran in circles, yelling, "Work! Sacrilege! Kill work!" Some began to grow long claws. Others slammed their heads against the boulders, which seemed to hurt the boulders more than their heads.

I guess they don't like to think of Lord Dionysus working.

"He means partying!" Piper shouted. "Partying! Lord Dionysus has been partying all over the world."

Slowly, the Maenads began to calm down.

"Party?" Bambi asked cautiously.

"Party!" Candy sighed with relief.

"Yeah!" I shot Piper a grateful look. "Ha-ha. Partying. Right. I've been _so_ busy partying."

Babette kept smiling, but not in such a friendly way. She fixed her gaze on Piper. "Who is this one, my lord? A recruit for the Maenads, perhaps?"

I tried to think of something quick—remember anything I can on Dionysus. I vaguely remember reading something about Dionysus marrying a princess, but I couldn't remember her name, plus it would be weird saying Piper was my wife.

"She's my party planner," I said.

"Party!" yelled another Maenads, possibly Trixie.

"What a shame." Babette's fingernails began to grow. "We can't allow mortals to witness our sacred revels."

"But I _could_ be recruited!" Piper said quickly. "Do you guys have a website? Or a list of requirements? Er, do you have to be drunk all the time?"

"Drunk!" Babette said. "Don't be silly. We're underage Maenads. We haven't graduated to wine yet. What would our parents think?"

"You have parents?" Jason shrugged the Maenads' hands off his shoulders for the hundredth time.

"Not drunk!" Candy yelled. She turned in a dizzy circle and fell down, spilling a dark drink that looked oddly enough like soda.

Jason cleared his throat. "So… what are you guys drinking if it isn't wine?"

Babette laughed. "The breverage of Lord Dionysus choosing when he's not drinking wine! Behold the power of the thyrsus rod!"

She slammed her pinecone staff against the ground and a dark geyser of soda bubbled up. "Diet Coke!"

Maenads rushed forward to fill their goblets.

"Party!" one yelled.

"Kill everything!" said a third.

Piper took a step back. "How do you get drunk on Diet Coke?"

"Maybe they added ten times the amount of Caffeine," Jason said as if he seen something like this before.

"Whee!" Buffy gulped down her Diet Coke and gave me a grin. "Kill things with a caffeinated drink!"

I decided to never drink any diet Coke again—or any soda ever again.

"But enough talk, my lord," Babette said. "You've been naughty, keeping yourself hidden! You changed your e-mail and phone number, and you didn't come to greet us for our Christmas _and_ New Years party. One might think the great Dionysus was trying to avoid Maenads!"

Jason removed another girl's hands from his shoulders. "Can't imagine why the great Dionysus would do that."

Babette sized up Jason. "This one is a sacrifice, obviously. We should start the festivities to honor your return by ripping him apart. The party planner girl can prove herself by helping us!"

"Or," I said as I quickly came up with a plan to deal with the Maenads and get Buford back, "we could start with some appetizers. Crispy Cheese 'n' Wieners. Taquitos. Maybe some chips and queso. And… wait, I know! We need a table to put them on."

Babette's smile wavered. The snakes hissed around her pinecone staff. "A table?'

"Cheese 'n' Wieners?" Trixie added hopefully.

"Yeah, a table!" I snapped my fingers and pointed toward the end of the clearing. "You know what—I think saw one walking that way. I think it was one of Hephaestus' inventions that got away. Why don't you guys wait here, drink some diet coke or whatever, and my friends and I will go get the table. We'll be right back!"

I started to leave, but two of the Maenads pushed me back. The push didn't seem exactly playful.

Babette's eyes turned even deeper red. "Why is my lord Dionysus so interested in furniture? Where is your leopard? And your wine cup?"

I gulped. "Yeah. Wine cup. Silly me." I reached into my tool belt. I prayed it would produce a wine cup. However, since it wasn't a tool, I ended up pulling out a lug wrench.

The Maenads stared at me. Some frowned. Others were crossed eyed from the Caffeinated drinks.

Jason stepped to my side. "Hey, uh, Lord Dionysus… maybe we should talk. Like, in private. You know… about party stuff."

"We'll be right back!" Piper announced. "Just wait here, you guys. Okay?"

Her voice was almost electric with charmspeak, the Maenads didn't move."

"No, you will stay." Babette's eyes bored into mine. "You do not act like Dionysus. Those who fail to honor the god, those who _dare_ to work instead of partying—they must be ripped apart. And anyone who dares to impersonate the god, he must die painfully."

…

If I need a better reason to run, that was it.

I pulled one of my most resourceful tricks yet. I took out a flask of grey gunk more commonly known as Myrmekes gunk that I kept on me every time I head into or leave Bunker Nine and threw onto the ground. Thankfully they didn't dodge it as it hit them releasing a stench of rotting carcasses on them.

I wasn't done there as I summoned a blast of fire from my hand at the gunk causing it to catch on fire, which not only burn the gunk but also made the smell of rotting carcasses worse. The Maenads started screeching from the powerful scent.

Jason Piper and I did one-eighty and ran for our lives as the Maenads started screaming.

"Gah! What is this stuff?"

"It stinks!"

"We need to wash it off."

"Then we'll kill the unbeliever!"

I had hope the flames kill them, but hey whatever works. I learned during our first quest that if you burn Myrmekes gunk, the stench worsens to a point that it would make even make our former derange satyr protector Gleeson Hedge stop cold in his tracks from the smell. And since the naiads are scared of the Maenads, I _might_ have bought us time.

We reached the edge of the clearing and quickly hid behind a large oak tree.

"Nice plan using Mymekes gunk like that," Jason said.

"Yeah, but it looks like Fire can't kill them." I said.

"We can't kill them," Piper said. "Anyone who kills a Maenad is cursed by Dionysus. They're driven into madness or morphed into animals or… well, bad stuff."

"Worse than letting Maenads rip us to shreds?" Jason asked.

Judging from Piper's clammy face and her lack of answering, I decided not to ask for details.

"That's just great," Jason said. "So we have to stop them without killing them. Anyone got a really big piece of flypaper?"

"We're outnumbered four to one," Piper said. "Plus…" she grabbed my wrist and checked my watch. "We have twenty minutes until Bunker Nine explodes."

"It's impossible," Jason summed up.

"We're dead," Piper agreed.

But my mind was spinning into overdrive. I did my best work when thing s were impossible.

Stopping Maenads without killing them… Bunker 9… _flypaper_. An idea came together like one of my crazy contraptions, all the gears and pistons clicking into place perfectly.

"I've got it," I said. "Jason, you'll have to find Buford. You know which way he went. Circle back and find him, then bring him back to the bunker, quick! Once you're far enough from the Maenads, maybe you can control the winds again. Then you can fly. Piper, I might to need your help in convincing the Maenads to ignore the burning Myrmekes gunk smell and follow us back to Bunker Nine."

Piper coughed. "Excuse me, but isn't Bunker Nine about to _explode_?"

"Yes, but if we can get the Maenads inside, I have a way to take care of them without killing them," I said.

Jason looked skeptical. "Even if you can, I still have to find Buford and get the syncopator back to you in twenty minutes, or you, Piper, and a dozen crazy nymphs will blow up."

"Just trust me," I said. "And it's nineteen minutes now."

"I love this plan." Piper leaned over and kissed Jason. "In case I explode. Please hurry."

Jason didn't even respond, or need to be told twice. He bolted into the woods.

"All right," I said. "Let's convince the Maenads to come over to my place."

…

There are a few dangerous things I've done: going up against three Cyclopes on my own, offering werewolves tofu burgers, stepping up to a fire breathing mechanical dragon before it knew I mean no harm, and playing a full combat version of Capture the Flag against the Hunters of Artemis (I decided not to flirt with _any_ of those girls _ever_ again), even entering a Myrmekes hill every time one shows up to get the main ingredient needed for Myrmekes gunk. But tricking Maenads that were already mad with me into following Piper and me into a bunker that is about to explode would definitely be close to the top of the list.

Occasionally we heard startled cries as Maenads happened across some unfortunate monster or nature spirit. I guess they must have gotten rid of the Burning Myrmekes gunk smell or they're just attacking anything that isn't Dionysus. Possibly both.

Once a blood-chilling shriek pieced the air followed by a sound like a tree getting destroyed by an army of savage chipmunks.

"Unbelievers!" Babette shouted through the woods. "Come celebrate with us."

Every part of my body wanted to get out of there and get out of the blast site. But then I remind myself that if I leave, I'll be leaving Jason to die, the Maenads might get destroyed, and if they were I might suffer the curse of Dionysus, and if they survive they might go after the campers.

"Piper," I said.

Piper nodded and tried for her best loud charmspeak. "We're over here! Come and get us!"

I didn't know if it would work, but we ran anyways. Soon enough we got our answer as the Maenads closed fast—bare feet running across the grass, branches snapping, Diet Coke goblets shattering against the rocks.

We made it to the cliff and I slapped my hand against the limestone. Fiery lines burned across the cliff face slowly forming the outline of a massive door.

"Come on! Come on!" I urged.

I made the mistake of glancing back. Only a stone's throw away, the first Maenad appeared out of the woods. Her eyes were pure red. She grinned with a mouth full of fangs, then slashed her talon fingernails at the nearest tree and sliced it in half. Little tornadoes of leaves swirled around her as if even the air were going crazy.

"Come, demigod!" she called. "Join me in the revels."

I don't know why but I was about to do it, but Piper saved me with her charmspeak: "Stop, Leo. It's the madness of Dionysus affecting you. You _don't_ want to die."

I took a shaky breath. "Yeah. They're getting stronger. We've got to hurry."

Finally the bunker doors opened. The Maenad snarled as her friends emerged from the woods, and together.

"We need them to get inside," I said.

"Leo—" Piper said.

"trust me, it's part of my plan," I said. At least I think it was. My mind was foggy, but I was sure we need the Maenads in the Bunker.

We headed in and I ran to the nearest worktable. Once there, I snatch a bronze control box with a single red button. I handed it to Piper. "I need two minutes. Climb the catwalk. Distract the Maenads, okay? When I shout the order push that button. But _not_ before I say."

"What does it do?" Piper asked.

"Nothing yet. I have to set up the trap."

"Do we have time before—" She glanced at the _Argo II_.

I checked my watch. We had twelve minutes. Not much time for Jason to get here, but enough time to set up a trap.

"Yeah," I said. "Just give me two minutes."

"Two minutes." Piper nodded grimly. "You got it."

She ran to the nearest ladder and began to climb while I raced off down the aisles, snatching things from tool chests and supply cabinets. I grabbed machine parts and wires. I threw switches and activated time-delay sensors on the bunker's interior control panels. I didn't think about what I was doing any more than a pianist think about where his fingers are landing on the keyboard. I just flew through the bunker, bringing all the pieces together.

When the Maenads arrived, they stopped in amazement of the bunker for a bit.

"Where are you?" Babette called. "My fake lord Dionysus! Party with us!"

At that point, somewhere in the catwalks above, Piper called out: "How about we square dance? Turn to the left!"

The Maenads shrieked in confusion.

"Grab a partner!" Piper shouted. "Swing her around!"

More cries and shrieking and a few _CLANGS_ as some of the Maenads apparently swung each other into heavy metal objects. This lasted for a while as Babette tried to regain control of the other Maenads.

I finally found the last thing I needed—a quilt size stack of shimmering golden fabric. I fed the cloth into the nearest pneumatic tube and pulled the lever. Done—assuming the plan worked.

I ran to the middle of the bunker, right in front of the _Argo II_ , and yelled, "Hey! Here I am!"

Good thing too. Piper's control of them had broken and the Maenads were about to go after her when they turned to me.

"Come on Party with me!" I yelled.

I forced myself not to look at the count down clock as the Maenads began to circling around me warily. I dance and sang random television theme songs, hoping it would make them hesitate. I need all the Maenads together before I sprung the trap.

The Maenads snarled as I offered them to sing along. Their wreathed snakes hissed and their thyrsus rods glowed with purple fire.

Finally, Babette joined the party. When she saw me alone, unarmed, and dancing, she laughed with delight.

"You are wise to accept your fate," she said. "The _real_ Dionysus would be please."

"Can we party first?" I asked, "With a big place like this, a few things moved around, and the right song, we can have a dance party?"

"Party?" asked Candy and Buffy.

"Oh, yeah!" I looked up and shouted to the catwalk. "Piper! Show them what I mean!"

For three incredibly long seconds nothing happened as I continue to dance around and sang like a total idiot.

Then the whole bunker whirred to life. All around the Maenads, pipes rose from the floor and blew purple steam. The pneumatic tube system spit out metal shavings like glittered confetti. The magic banner above us shimmered and changed to read WELCOME, PSYCHO NYMPHS!

Music blared from the sound system—the Rolling Stones, my mom's favorite band that I like to listen to when I work (it reminded me of the good old days when I hung out in my mom's shop).

Then the winch system swung into place and a mirrored ball began to descend right over my head.

On the catwalk above, Piper stared down at the chaos she'd wrought with the push of a button, and her jaw dropped. Even the Maenads looked impressed by my work and even started to dance.

Only Babette looked unaffected. "What trick is this?" she demanded. "You do not party for Dionysus!"

"You're right, I don't. But it was worth the try for this," I said.

The ball opened up as a grappling hook dropped down and I jumped for it.

"Get him!" Babette yelled. "Maenads, attack!"

Thankfully, she had trouble getting their attention as Piper started calling down square dancing instructions again, confusing them with odd commands. "Turn left, turn right, bonk your heads! Sit down, stand up, fall down dead!"

The pulley lifted me into the air as the Maenads swarmed underneath me, gathering in a nice compact cluster. Babette leaped at me but missed my feet.

"Now!" I muttered to myself, praying that my timer was set accurately.

 _BLAM!_ The nearest pneumatic tube shot a curtain of golden mesh over the Maenads, covering them like a parachute. A perfect shot.

The Maenads struggled against the net as they tried pushing it off, cutting the ropes with their teeth and fingernails. But as they punched and kicked and struggle, the net simple change shape, hardening into a cubical cage of glittered gold.

I grinned. "Piper, hit the button again!"

She did and the music died as the party ended.

I dropped from the hook onto the top of my newly made cage. I stomped the roof, just to be sure, but it felt as hard as titanium.

"Let us out!" Babette shrieked. "What evil magic is this?"

She slammed against the woven bars, but even her super strength was no match for the golden material. The other Maenads hissed and screamed and banged on the cage with their thyrsus rod."

I jumped to the ground. "Don't even try to break out. That cage is made from Hephaestian netting, a little recipe my dad cooked up. Maybe you've heard the story. He caught his wife Aphrodite cheating on him with Ares, so Hephaestus threw a golden net over them and put them on display. They stayed trapped until my dad decided to let them out. That netting right there? That's made from the same stuff. Which means, this is my party now, ladies."

The furious Maenads raged around the prison as they tried to rip free from it.

Piper slid down the ladder and joined me. "Leo, you are _amazing_."

"I know that." I looked at the digital display next to the ship's engine. My heart sank as I realized the plan took longer than I thought. "For about two more minutes. Then I stop being amazing."

"Oh, no." Piper's face fell. "We need to get out of here!"

Suddenly I heard a familiar sound from the bunker's entrance: a puff of steam, the creak of gears, and the _clink-clank_ of metal legs running across the floor.

"Buford!" I called. The automated table chuffed toward him, whirring and clacking its drawers.

Jason walked in behind him, grinning. "Waiting for us?"

I hugged the little worktable. "I'm so sorry, Buford. I promise I'll never take you for granted again. _Only_ Lemon Pledge with extra-moisturizing formula, my friend. Anytime you want it!"

Bufford puffed steam happily.

"Um, Leo?" Piper urged. "The explosion?"

"Right!" I opened Buford's front drawer and grabbed the syncopator. I ran to the combustion chamber. Twenty-three seconds. Oh, good. No rush.

I would only get one chance to do this right. I carefully fitted the syncopator into place. I closed the combustion chamber and held my breath. The engine started to hum. The glass cylinders glowed with heat. If I hadn't been immune to fire, I would have a nasty sunburn.

The ship's hull shuddered, the whole bunker seemed to tremble.

The Maenads screamed wanting out and threatening us.

Finally the combustion chamber opened its various chambers with a _click, click, click._ Super-dangerous liquids and gasses flowed into the syncopator. The engine shuddered before the heat subsided. When it did, the shaking calmed down to a comfortable purr.

I put my hand on the hull, now thrumming with magical energy. Buford snuggled affectionately against my leg and puffed steam.

"You got that right, Buford." I turned to my friends. "That is the sound of an engine _not_ exploding."

…

I didn't realize how stressed I'd been until I passed out.

When I woke up, I was lying on a cot near the _Argo II._ The entire Hephaestus cabin (well, those that stayed for a full year at least) was there along with a few Athena's kids that agreed to help as well as few more campers. They'd gotten the engine levels stabilized and were all expressing their amazement at my genius.

Once I was back on my feet, Jason and Piper pulled me aside and promised me that they didn't told anyone just how close the ship was from exploding. No one would ever know about the huge mistake that almost vaporize the woods.

Still, I couldn't stop trembling. I'd almost ruined everything. To calm myself down, I pulled out the Lemon Pledge and carefully polished Buford. Then I took the spar syncopator and locked it in a supply cabinet that did _not_ have legs. Just in case. Bufford can be temperamental.

An hour later, Chiron, and Argus came from the Big House to take care of the Maenads a girl from Hypnos Cabin name Gnosis.

Gnosis was this slender, light skin teenager in a stretchable, sleeveless white shirt, blue stretch pants, lightweight brown shoes and had a necklace with a pendant that's actually a miniature camera. I guess they couldn't wake Clovis long enough to get him here. Gnosis used her powers over sleep to lull the Maenads to sleep which made them easier to deal with.

Argus, head of security, was a big blond dude with hundreds of eyes all over his body. He seemed embarrassed to find that a dozen Maenads had infiltrated his territory. Argus never spoke, but he blushed brightly and all the eyes on his body took an interest to the floor.

Chiron, the activities director, looked more annoyed than concern as he stared down at the Maenads. Which he could do being a centaur. From the waist down, he was a white stallion. From the waist up, he was a middle-aged guy with curly broth hair, a beard, and a bow and quiver strapped across his back.

"Well done, you three," he told my friends and me. "We got word that these girls been searching for Dionysus since Christmas. Luckily you caught them before they could get out of hand. Dionysus will be pleased they've been captured."

"I take it they annoy him?" I asked.

"Absolutely," Chiron said. "Mr. D despises his fan club almost as much as he despises demigods."

Babette muttered something in her sleep something about being followers.

"So…" Piper shifted uneasily. "Dionysus wouldn't have minded if we had to destroy them?"

"Oh, no, he would mind!" Chiron said. "They're still his followers, even if he hates them. If you hurt them, Dionysus would be forced to drive you insane or kill you. Probably both. So well done." He looked at Argus. "Same plan as last time. And thank you again, Gnosis. You're dismissed."

Argus and Gnosis nodded. Gnosis left the bunker and Argus gestured to one of Hephaestus campers, who drove a forklift over and loaded up the cage.

"What will you do with them?" Jason asked.

Chiron smiled kindly. "We'll send them to a place where they feel at home. We'll load them on a bus to Atlantic City."

"Ouch," I said. "Doesn't that place have enough problems?"

"Not to worry," Chiron promised. "The Maenads will get the partying out of their systems quickly there and they'll fade away until next year. They normally show up around the holidays, but I guess when Zeus locked up Olympus, Dionysus wasn't able to inform the Maenads which might have confused them."

The Maenads were carted off. Chiron and Argus headed back to the Big House, and my campers helped me locked up Bunker Nine for the night.

Usually I worked into the wee hours, but after a crazy night, I decided to join my friends. Of course we avoided sodas. I don't think I'll be drinking that for a while, and I know I won't be drinking diet coke ever again.

At the camp fire I sat with my friends.

"You saved my hide again, guys," I told them. "Thank you."

Jason smiled. "Anything for you, Valdez. You sure the _Argo II_ will be safe now?"

"Safe? No. But she's not in danger of exploding. Probably."

Piper laughed. "Great. I feel much better."

We sat quietly, enjoying each other's company, but I knew this was just a brief moment of peace. The _Argo II_ had to be finished by the summer solstice. Then we would sail off on our great adventure—first to find Jason's old home, the Roman camp. After that… the giants were waiting. Gaea the earth mother, the most powerful enemy to the gods, was marshaling her forces to destroy Olympus. To stop her, my friends and me, along with four other demigods, will have to sail to Greece, the ancient homeland of the gods. At any point along the way, I knew I might die.

For now, though, I decided to enjoy myself. When your life is on a timer to an inevitable explosion, that's about all you can do.

I raised my goblet of hot chocolate which we substituted for sodas. "To friends."

"Friends," Piper and Jason agreed.

I stayed at the camp fire until the song leader from Apollo cabin suggested we all do the Hokey Pokey. Then I decided to call it for the night.

* * *

 **A/N:** Gnosis is a character created by Thunder Crush


End file.
